I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Randomize
