so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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