i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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