he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Come share oat with me in your robe
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
