She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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