I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
