So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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