Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
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