Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
