I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
