I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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