i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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