if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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