Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
