Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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