I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
