when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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