Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
