And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
