i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
