I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
We're too hungover to prance.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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