He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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