Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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