my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
When did angry sex become our thing?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
