Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i love accidental penises.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
