i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
