im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
