I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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