I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
areolas are like halos for boobs.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
