When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
