Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
