when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
