i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
