it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
cat food counts as protein by the way
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
