Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
