i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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