Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
