He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
now i know why i became what i already was.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
