Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
