Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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