she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
