She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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