I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
