I'm gonna have a badass scar
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
