So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
