i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Actions speak louder than pants.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Randomize
