I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
