If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
