last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
