If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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